Thursday, March 13, 2014

Letter to a teacher

Dear Miss T,

Hi teacher, I hope you are keeping well. I can't remember when was the last time I saw you since primary school reunion for the first time and last time years and years back, but I believe you are grand.

This is me, after so many years of studying, finally finished my medical degree in July. This morning, I woke up with a picture of what you said in my mind out of no reason, this explains me writing this letter at least.

This fragment of memory surprised me, it happened 7 years ago. The picture goes: 'What? YOU are also wanting to do medicine? Just like my-favourite-student?'

Yes and no, teacher. Yes, I want to do medicine, but NO, not like your-favourite-student, it's just me, myself, not like anyone else, want to do medicine.

There's a potential in everybody I believe. I don't think it was fair to judge anybody, regardless of who you are. I may not be as bright as your-favourite-student, but I try my best to achieve what I deserve, to work towards my goal as myself. By comparing and ranking anybody is not going to be a positive reinforcement, I believe. To encourage and inspire would be a whole different story though, would you agree?

My story for the past 7 years is simple. Since I started doing pre-medical course and the actual medical course, teacher, I make sure I pass all my exams, which I did; and I make sure I keep moving to the next step, which I did. I did not perform as the best student in any stage, but I tried to be at my very best. I am glad that I made my family and friends proud, and I hope you feel the same way too. I am not just like your-favourite-student, because I am more than that.

I hope you see every student as a star, not seeing them based on the grades on pieces of papers, because that is not all about a person. Being a teacher is a joy, I learned that from my sister who has been teaching for 2 years, telling how much potentials everyone has, and what they need is encouragement and guidance to shine.

I hope every student is your-favourite-student and I wish there longer be no comparison among all your students. Everyone deserve to be viewed as a special and unique individual, and no one should be belittled by a teacher, not when they have dreams and very own point of view.

I wish one day somehow when you read this letter, you will understand, I am not speaking for myself, but for every other student that, everyone is special and this is beyond comparison.

Yours sincerely, 

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Beauty Of Understanding That Not All Relationships Are Meant To Last Forever


When people come into your life, it is hard to dissociate from the shared moments and move on. Oftentimes, we find ourselves forced to leave people whom our lives once revolved around behind. You will always carry memories of the sights, the sounds and the experiences you shared. But, sometimes people change; sometimes we move on and oftentimes, we simply grow.
As days turn into months and months into years, it is still difficult to understand how to detach yourself from the people of your past and to accept the reality that they will no longer be part of your present.
People who made up such a large part of your life at one point (ex-boyfriends, teachers, old roommates, friends, etc.) are not always meant to be in your life forever.
Sometimes, those people come into your life for a brief moment in time — however brief — and then, they are gone. And in a moment, the people in whom you invested turn into mere pictures stored somewhere in the back of your mind. The moments you shared meant something — and they still mean something. You are subject to an internal battle to understand how the people you once valued are no longer of importance to you in your daily life.
In a way, those people in your past became your family and you probably find yourself struggling to let them go. They gave you advice when you needed guidance. They gave you hugs when you felt alone. They gave you unique experiences that defined a stage of your life. Most of all, however, these people gave you a sense of comfort in the unfamiliar and unpredictable journey that we call life.
And during those unusual times when you return back to those people and those places, you realize that your connection to that city, to those people and to those memories still holds strong. While you may have left and may have a new life completely unlike your past, those connections do not dissipate. Just because you left a place or left people, it does not mean that those memories somehow become void. And when you return, you are reminded of the friends you made, the people you knew and the moments you shared. All of these things suddenly become fresh in your mind. It is in these instances when you’ll realize the importance each one of these people has in your life.
It is still difficult to look back, knowing that your current life does not quite leave room for everyone in your past. And while you’re not sure it will ever get easier, when you know that people you once considered to be family are continuing to live a life separate from yours, it is comforting to know that at any point, you can stop and remember the experiences you shared together.
As we grow, we realize that all people are not permanent fixtures in our lives, that they can be fleeting fixtures of happiness, love and comfort. It is a difficult concept to grasp that people we consider to be staples in our lives may not be here for us tomorrow. But, we must learn to accept the idea that whether it be a lover, a coworker or a friend, his or her place in our lives may not always be meant to last forever.
When we begin to understand that relationships are not always meant to last, we can also have a deeper appreciation for the experiences we share with people while they are in our lives. Though it may sadden you to consider the end of a relationship, you can begin to appreciate the people in your life for the sheer reason that they exist in your present. People come and go, but memories last forever.
The lessons people teach us and the hardships they help us navigate are never forgotten. These memories become permanent parts of us and continue to shape who we become. Just because a relationship does not last does not mean that it is insignificant in any way. It is not the amount of time these relationships last that is important, but instead, it is the ability to remember them.
Once we can accept the realization that relationships are fleeting, our lives will be filled with vast moments of appreciation. Appreciation for each relationship in its entirety and the uniqueness of the moments that you share together — appreciation for the present.
Leaving people behind is never easy — it never feels right to move on to the next chapter. But, as life continues onward, so do we, and just because we leave people, it does not mean we must forget the times we shared. It does not mean that all those things must be lost in some unknown abyss. All we can ask is to remember and that those whom we once loved remember us, too.
-After reading this random articles, it feels right. It's what I need to read, what I feel, and what I need to remind myself of. There's so many people who come and go in our lives, leaving so much memories, and it's inevitable to grow and move on to different stages of live, and for all those, I am thankful and grateful for all memories, be it bitter or sweet. Keep marching gal. Look back once in a while but don't stop moving. 
Love, Katherine

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Oscar Winner Lupita Nyong'o's Speech On Beauty 

I received a letter from a girl and I’d like to share just a small part of it with you: "Dear Lupita," it reads, "I think you’re really lucky to be this Black but yet this successful in Hollywood overnight. I was just about to buy Dencia’s Whitenicious cream to lighten my skin when you appeared on the world map and saved me."
My heart bled a little when I read those words. I could never have guessed that my first job out of school would be so powerful in and of itself and that it would propel me to be such an image of hope in the same way that the women of The Color Purple were to me.
I remember a time when I too felt unbeautiful. I put on the TV and only saw pale skin, I got teased and taunted about my night-shaded skin. And my one prayer to God, the miracle worker, was that I would wake up lighter-skinned. The morning would come and I would be so excited about seeing my new skin that I would refuse to look down at myself until I was in front of a mirror because I wanted to see my fair face first. And every day I experienced the same disappointment of being just as dark as I had been the day before. I tried to negotiate with God: I told him I would stop stealing sugar cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted; I would listen to my mother's every word and never lose my school sweater again if he just made me a little lighter. But I guess God was unimpressed with my bargaining chips because He never listened.
And when I was a teenager my self-hate grew worse, as you can imagine happens with adolescence. My mother reminded me often that she thought that I was beautiful but that was no consolation: She’s my mother, of course she’s supposed to think I am beautiful. And then Alek Wek came on the international scene. A celebrated model, she was dark as night, she was on all of the runways and in every magazine and everyone was talking about how beautiful she was. Even Oprah called her beautiful and that made it a fact. I couldn’t believe that people were embracing a woman who looked so much like me as beautiful. My complexion had always been an obstacle to overcome and all of a sudden, Oprah was telling me it wasn’t. It was perplexing and I wanted to reject it because I had begun to enjoy the seduction of inadequacy. But a flower couldn’t help but bloom inside of me. When I saw Alek I inadvertently saw a reflection of myself that I could not deny. Now, I had a spring in my step because I felt more seen, more appreciated by the far away gatekeepers of beauty, but around me the preference for light skin prevailed. To the beholders that I thought mattered, I was still unbeautiful. And my mother again would say to me, "You can’t eat beauty. It doesn’t feed you." And these words plagued and bothered me; I didn’t really understand them until finally I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be.
And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you. What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul. It is what got Patsey in so much trouble with her master, but it is also what has kept her story alive to this day. We remember the beauty of her spirit even after the beauty of her body has faded away.
And so I hope that my presence on your screens and in the magazines may lead you, young girl, on a similar journey. That you will feel the validation of your external beauty but also get to the deeper business of being beautiful inside. There is no shade to that beauty.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014


It's pretty amazing to look back, once in a while, to think what you have done, what was done, what could have been done, and what should be done. 

I see myself, far away from where I belong, from where I used to love myself and everyone around. Right here, right now, I don't feel real, I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel settled, I don't feel at peace. 
I feel like I am falling constantly, then I have to pick myself up, pieces by pieces, pull myself together, to embrace whatever that's coming next. Sometimes, I could celebrate a victory, sometimes, I fall again. Each time, the fall feels harder, more painful than the one before, and each time, I need more strength and courage to stand up and embrace. 

It is tiring, demotivating, and draining. Choices I made put me at where I am today, and I wonder, was I wrong all these while? What have I done?

I need support, but I can't find one. Surrounded by negative forces all around, I see myself turning sour, rotting from inside out. I miss my good old friends, who are encouraging, who are ever supportive, who accept me for who I am, who judge me not, but at where I am standing right now, I found none.

Is this a journey, that I have to walk through, to learn to appreciate, to learn to find, to learn to climb, to learn to grow, to learn to glow, and to live with more strength and will?

With all my heart, I hope this part of journey can end soon. I am looking forward to the start of another chapter, not at where I am right now, not with people who are around me right now. 

2 months and I am counting. I want to breath like how I used to, spread my wings like how I could, and smile like how I love to. 

Behind every regret, there are also tinge of happiness behind the bitterness and sourness. I acknowledge those times, but I need more of them.
Life is a nothing but a cocktail of all things, and my journey in Belfast, not a glorious one, but I am proud that I survived, after meeting and knowing people of all kind. 

Never let people bring you down, a note to self that I will never forget. Beat them if you can, if not, survive and come back stronger. 
It's a matter of time, but I will be back, for I don't plan to sit and sob. 

This is to remind myself to not lose in any circumstances. I stand for myself, and my loved ones. 
Keep fighting on, the next journey is just around the corner, and I simply can't wait. 


Thursday, November 7, 2013


Sitting right in front of my table, with concentration fading, and thoughts travelling to where they belong not, I was wondering what I can give, to feel that I have somehow achieved something, somehow I mean something to others.

Something to remember for now, and for long.

How Do You Know When You Love Someone?  BY JOHN KIM JULY 6, 2012

I used to believe that love was a light switch. Something flicks on. You get an overwhelming sensation. It hits you like a bag of bricks. Or a strong arrow. When you know, you know. Right? Not so much. After 38 years and an expired marriage, I don’t see love that way anymore. I’ve placed Cupid right next to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Love is a series of choices. The first choice is based on many many factors, including chemistry, principles, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want/need… the list goes on and on, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the individual. Based on these factors, we either choose to begin the process to love or not. If we decide to enter this process, the action of loving can bring “light switch” moments. The way he looks at you. How hard she makes you laugh. The notes he hides in your purse. The way she makes you feel when you don’t feel anything.

But like an airplane flight, there is turbulence. The fights. The disagreements. The little things that bother you. His socks. Her shopping. You start wondering if you’ve made the right choice. Once you are in doubt, you have to make another choice: to continue to fly with this person or jump out of the plane. This choice is based on a thousand other factors, again depending on the individual and where they are in their journey. If you decide to jump, the scary free fall will either make you stronger (grow) or miserable (depressed). But sooner or later, you’ll find yourself back at the airport waiting to board another plane. Then you hit turbulence. Or maybe there is no turbulence. Maybe you’ve changed your mind about the destination. Either way, another choice. Fly or jump?

Love is making a choice every single day, to either love or not love. That’s it. It’s that simple. Either to continue the process or not. We fall in and out of love. Even in relationships, especially in relationships. This doesn’t mean we don’t love the person. It means we are left with a choice. There is a difference between feeling love for someone (caring about a person) and loving someone (choosing to love that person). You may have love for someone forever. But that doesn’t mean you choose to love that person forever. The choice to love is not a feeling; it is an action. That is why it is so difficult. It requires you to do something, and I’m not just talking about buying flowers. It might mean putting your wants aside. Also, like chemistry, the ability to love is not a constant. It is a variable. It fluctuates, depending on where you’re at in your life and what you’re struggling with. Sometimes it is easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. But at the end of the day, it’s always a choice.

Although love varies, it also deepens. This means the longer you stay on that flight and embark on the journey together, the more fruit the process with bare. Your investment pays off. Your choices become easier. You not only become stronger as a couple, but also as individuals, assuming the love process is healthy - which means you guys are both doing work. The choice to love creates opportunity to hit notes in life that you could never hit alone, and THIS is what makes your choice worth it.

So, how do you know if it’s love? That is not the question to ask. The question is: Do you choose to love this person or not? Right now. Not tomorrow. Today. Make a choice. Yes or no. If the answer is yes, love as hard as you can. Love with everything you’ve got (your capacity right now at this point in your life). If the answer is no, promise me one thing.

Let the fall make you stronger. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

It's been a while.

As we grow up, times seems to be more and more insufficient.
So many things revolving around, and  having yourself revolve around many things at the same time.

Finally sitting down to let go of some emotions, don't wanna contain them as I am finding it hard to carry on, and I don't want to carry them any longer.

For the past 3 year, everything has changes, some for the better, and some for the worse. Part of me is no longer with me, and new bits being added on. I can't complain for where I am today, what I am doing and all the reasons behind everything that happens, for some decisions I made them myself, and some happened for the unforeseen circumstances.

Feeling frustration at times, and feeling like I am struggling more than ever, I wish I don't have the fear of not securing what I want and what I wish.
Applying for a place soon, and I am worried for where I will be instead of if I am getting the job or not. Just by thinking about it brings stress on.

Please life, please don't be too hard on me, I am already holding on to the strength I merely have as much as I can.
To think you are strong enough and to find out that you need to be stronger than you can is awful.

Sometimes, I wish things were simpler, I wish I don't aim high, I wish I don't want to own more, I wish I am not as greedy as before, and I wish I can be happy with one rose, one hug, one kiss, and one smile.

Boring me signing off to head off to the library.
Things do get better, yes?

Chin up and leaving silly emotions behind, right now, right here.