Journey

It's pretty amazing to look back, once in a while, to think what you have done, what was done, what could have been done, and what should be done. 

I see myself, far away from where I belong, from where I used to love myself and everyone around. Right here, right now, I don't feel real, I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel settled, I don't feel at peace. 

I feel like I am falling constantly, then I have to pick myself up, pieces by pieces, pull myself together, to embrace whatever that's coming next. Sometimes, I could celebrate a victory, sometimes, I fall again. Each time, the fall feels harder, more painful than the one before, and each time, I need more strength and courage to stand up and embrace. 

It is tiring, demotivating, and draining. Choices I made put me at where I am today, and I wonder, was I wrong all these while? What have I done?

I need support, but I can't find one. Surrounded by negative forces all around, I see myself turning sour, rotting from inside out. I miss my good old friends, who are encouraging, who are ever supportive, who accept me for who I am, who judge me not, but at where I am standing right now, I found none.

Is this a journey, that I have to walk through, to learn to appreciate, to learn to find, to learn to climb, to learn to grow, to learn to glow, and to live with more strength and will?

With all my heart, I hope this part of journey can end soon. I am looking forward to the start of another chapter, not at where I am right now, not with people who are around me right now. 

2 months and I am counting. I want to breath like how I used to, spread my wings like how I could, and smile like how I love to. 

Behind every regret, there are also tinge of happiness behind the bitterness and sourness. I acknowledge those times, but I need more of them.

Life is a nothing but a cocktail of all things, and my journey in Belfast, not a glorious one, but I am proud that I survived, after meeting and knowing people of all kind. 

Never let people bring you down, a note to self that I will never forget. Beat them if you can, if not, survive and come back stronger. 

It's a matter of time, but I will be back, for I don't plan to sit and sob. 

This is to remind myself to not lose in any circumstances. I stand for myself, and my loved ones. 

Keep fighting on, the next journey is just around the corner, and I simply can't wait. 

Love, 

Katherine