okay. after one whole day of studying, again, i am here, releasing the stress. not ranting. not complaining.
since 11 a.m. till 11 p.m. i had stacks of lecture notes, lovely scrap papers, awesome g-soft gel pens and many many high lighters with me, making me a perfect nerd, mugging like mad.
it's funny to actually think that eating is such a bliss, allowing me to blank my mind for a short while, and relax, and actually breath properly.
lunch and dinner, the times when i find them magical.
i had 2 cups of coffee to keep myself awake and 'high' to study. imagine how crazy i am in love with caffeine besides paracetamol now. imagine. i am so poisoning myself, and i doing it while knowing it. this is bad.
being a medical student is not cool at all.
all we do is study, study and study.
can't stop studying as there's always sth new being discovered, and there's always exams ahead awaiting us.
it takes time, to really understand what's life-long learning. i am still half way there, and am clear that there's still a long long way to go. wow.
i do enjoy it, just find it a little tiring, but it's satisfying, knowing you have learnt something.
maybe not just something, but a multiply of something.
so, what's the point of exam actually?
to prove yourself smart, getting an A and confirm your intelligence?
what bout people who get a B or C? isn't that devastating to find that you are not an A student and not as smart as the others?
i think, getting a B or C doesn't mean that you are not as clever as the others.
comparing has no end.
exam is about you, knowing how much had you prepared, how hard had you worked, and how much had you contributed for your own.
the preparation determines the outcome.
honestly, i am afraid and feeling really insecure now.
i am doing what i can, and doing what i should, for the exam.
but i don't feel confident for the exam.
it's like, no matter how hard i am trying to memorise everything i read, no matter how many times i repeat the texts, i can't get everything fixed, to the brain, in the memory!
i do know my stuff, but i do get them mixed up sometimes.
i am just afraid of failing my own work and myself.
guess what, i have to even comfort myself by reminding myself of what Dr. Yadaf said.
'it's not the A students that make a good doctor, it's always the B and C students.'
gosh. i feel sad for myself now.
well, after every exam, i will tell myself i have got to prepare earlier next time. it's always followed by next 'next time'.
boo myself for being such a loser.
but i do improve little by little. preparing my stuff earlier and be more serious of what i am doing.
aiya, it takes time to grow, i know. but it's just so easy to say and it takes loads of push to actually do it.
i, am still learning to be better.
it's fascinating how things around magically change you in the way you never expect it to be.
a happy nerd, i am.
trying to capture the thought in this post, imprinting the feelings through words, and i hope, one day, when i read back, i had a smile, and can proudly tell myself that, 'good job, kath. you worked hard!'.
well, correction bout a statement made above.
being a medical student is actually cool.
i can tell you about tonsilitis and pharyngitis; leukoplakia and squamous call carcinoma; atresia and fistula of oesophagus; hiatus hernia and inguinal hernia; diverticula and oesophageal varices; gastroesophageal refulx disease and barrett esophagus; squamous cell carcinoma and adenocarcinoma; acute gastritis and chronic gastritis; acute peptic ulcer and chronic peptic ulcer; diffuse gastric adenocarcinoma and intestinal gastric adenocarcinoma; puetz-jegher's polyp and juvenile polyp; familial adenomatous polyposis and hereditary nonpolyposis colorectal cancer; colorectal carcinoma and APC gene; crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis; celiac sprue and tropical sprue; liver cirrhosis and portal hypertension; cholestasis and jaundice; acute and chronic hepatits; autoimmune hepatits and drug-/toxin-induced hepatitis; cholelithiasis and cholecystitis; choledocholithiasis and cholangitis; acute pancreatitis and chronic pancreatitis; pancreatic cysts and cystic neoplasm. that's just the GIT system, not forgetting the wicked haematology, all about anaemia, leukaemia, lymphomas, bleeding disorders, malaria, haemorrhagic viral infection, etc.
that's just the pathology, moving on, there are pathophysiology, pharmacology, community medicine and behavioural science (which is really not my favourite).
that's how much medical students need to squeeze into their tiny little brain.
bless the medical students! bless them all!
yes, i am referring to my notes while typing the paragraph above, as a quick revision. haha.
my kiasu-ness is increasing day by day.
tomorrow's another day of studying, but with a little reward, that's starbucks coffee!
I LOVE CAFFEINE. gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme gimme more.
guess i really am 'siao' d. hahaha.
btw, i do prefer blog to facebook, it's more like having my own space, a little world of mine.
well, i wonder if you people who are reading this, actually do finish reading this freaking long post.
this is my 1st time, really enjoying myself, not ranting, but typing out my thoughts, and doing a short revision (see, that's what i am talking about kiasu! can't keep my mind of my studies even when blogging!) while having fun blogging!
p.s. my camera is finally fixed!!! mad happy that i can take pictures like krazzzzzzzeeeeey again! =D
k lah! should really catch a short reading before i sleep. toodle~
love, katherine.
